I have no title for this…

It’s the last day of the month and I haven’t  written anything since December – I try to post at least once a month. I haven’t been so inspired lately. There have been some neat things happening that show God is continuing to move, but of course the enemy is steadily poking at other areas that are not yet resolved and causing me some grief.

…..

As I was writing that last sentence, my dog, Sachi came up and gave me a few tender licks on my toe. I think she sensed that I was feeling a little down. I moved my compute out of the way and she laid her head in my lap. For a few minutes, there was nothing wrong in my world – just my happy fluffy puppy. See… there’s the joy I spoke about last month in regards to my personal theme for 2016. I am going to miss seeing her every day. Anyway, after Sachi’s intervention, I don’t feel like complaining anymore. I do have some negative emotions tonight. I just want certain areas of my life to be resolved. It’s hard to operate like this, but God is here. He knows that this is a precious time for me to grow, so I am being obedient. I am growing.

Good night (don’t let the bedbugs bite).

 

The Year of Joy: 2016

2016_theme

I will be honest and say that I haven’t done that much thinking about goals in prep for the new year; however, it has been on the back of my mind for the past couple of months. It will be on paper by the end of the week!

This coming year’s theme is JOY. My anchor verse for the year is Ecclesiastes 3:11:

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

While this isn’t a specific verse about joy in name, it is a reminder that God is still working on me and the promises for my life, and all these things will unfold in according to the timing the God has ordained. There is joy in the hope of things to come. There is joy in knowing that God has this all under control and I don’t have to figure it out. There is joy in the anticipation of a new 365 day long adventure!

Time. HIS time, not mine. I wish I understood about God’s time, but if I did, this journey wouldn’t be nearly as intersting. So there is blessing in the hiddenness of future treatures. As time goes on and I seek Him more, they will be revealed in perfect time.

 

Thank You Very Much, Aunt Dana…

Almost a week ago, my house was all a buzz because of the preparations for our family Christmas dinner. My mom picked up my nephew from school, and she was waiting to hear back about him being able to go help out at the police station (back in August, the Porterdale Police Department made Jajuan an honorary officer). I was doing…something… I can’t remember…. anyway, I was piddling around the house getting ready – OH YES I was making my mini banana pudding cups (see below):

Jpeg

Anyway… the house was a buzz with prep and it seemed like the Chief of Police was taking forever to respond to my mom about Jajuan coming. He was getting antsy, and he had already gotten dressed in his uniform. The stemming had begun – he was ready to go. I started to see some concern on my mom’s face and she finally broke the news to J that he probably wasn’t going to be able to go because she hadn’t heard back. About 30 minutes later, mom brings in the bad news that Jajuan wouldn’t be able to go to the station because the chief had a prior engagement. When mom confirmed the news I knew that J was going to be upset. It was already stressful because he was leaving the next day for his winter break with his mom. I didn’t want him to have a stressful night.

I asked him if he wanted to drive me around in his golf cart. I usually don’t like to be driven around in his golf cart, but this was necessary. He hadn’t driven his golf cart in a couple of months and he usually likes to drive people around. So I put on my puffer vest, and wrapped a scarf around my head (I had just gotten my hair done and it was windy outside). I backed out of the garage and then let him take over.

Typically, Jajuan only is allowed to drive in the back yard because it’s fenced. He’s not really street legal ;-). This was the wildest ride I have ever been on. He drove to the spot where he likes to turn the water on and make mud so his wheels can spin out. Then, he showed me how well he could back up and turn around. Drove by the neighbor’s yard and looked at the chickens, Jajuan laughed. I hadn’t seen that smile and laugh in a bit. To be honest, I hadn’t solicited it in a while either, but it was good to see it at that moment. Then after about 10 minutes, We stopped at the back at the back door of the house and Jajuan looked me in the face and said clear as day: “Get out, Aunt Dana.”

Wut? I looked at him and asked if he was ready for me to get out and he agreed. That’s laughable, but then something happened. Right as I was about to get out, again Jajuan looked me again and plainly said ” Thank you very much Aunt Dana.” I don’t know why, but that gratitude touched my heart so deeply. It reaffirms that Jajuan’s awareness for the world around him. It also showed me how much he does love me.

I am not the best example of that love all the time. Jajuan is notorious for bursting into my room while I am getting dressed or on a conference call, and it drives me up the wall. He sometimes blabbers on and on about Sachi staying out of the trash can and making sure to put the right utensils in the sink. I am the imperfect aunt who sometimes shoos him away. I’m the horrible aunt that doesn’t appreciate him. Ugh so much guilt, but I am so glad that there is mercy.

I love that boy…

 

Conversations With Mom: 2016?!

My mom is the most awesome mom anyone could ever have. I don’t know why I am so blessed that I get to have her as my mom. The past few weeks have been crazy, raw, and real. I have decided to move on from Real Estate – at least in the sense of being a full-time Realtor. I have decided to be a referral agent, which can still generate some income. I just don’t have the magical thing to be a successful agent AND love what I am doing. I have had great feedback since I started, but I have to be honest and say that I really do not enjoy the work. I can’t even concentrate on building a business. It seems daunting and boring and I don’t want to do it. I know that when a person has true passion for their work, they can’t wait to see how to make it grow and flourish. I just want to crawl under a rock. Today, we had a great conversation – albeit short…

Me: Mom, by January of 2016, I will have a job

Mom: (Looking at me positively) YES! I believe that!

Me: Mom, no seriously, I am going to have a job with benefits!

Mom: YAASS!

Me: Mom for real… (taking her hand in mine)… a job that I LOVE and want to stay in for a while…

Mom: I believe that! So great (starting to get a little uncomfortable as I gaze seriously in her eyes)

Me: ….AND YOU HAVE TO FIND ME THAT JOB MOM! You are my mom, you must fix my life!

Mom: Bye Dana…. going to the bank (walks out)

Life… never a dull moment.

Melancholia…

I have moments these days. Moments that challenge and defeat me. As I was driving back from Florida in the wee hours of the day before the sun came up today, I had the most cripple thought:

My birthday is coming up and I don’t think I have anything really to show for my 33 years, but student loans and a trail of work experiences that do not culminate into anything. I have no person, no home of my own, no direction because I am confused about what I want to do, and no idea on how to make things better right now…

First off this is a dangerous place to be, but the mind has legs, you know? It wanders off if left without something constructive. I want to overcome this thought so much, but as I sit on my mother’s couch job hunting (once again) on the heals of celebrating another friend’s wedding, I am admittedly feeling despondent. This time of year has been like this since I turned 30…I hate it.

These are the days I wish Jesus would just come back…

The End of the Beginning…

The sun sets…
A chapter completes…
A race finishes…
People meet and depart…
Beginnings do end…

There are moments when you have total confirmation that you have exited one season and entered another, that things have changed to finality, that ties have been broken, that the reset button has been pressed. It’s that time…that time is now…

It’s ok…I’m ok…I was prepared for this time. The inevitable has come to fruition and it’s time to pick up and move again. No doubts, no anguish, no fear, no regrets. Only fondness of what was with warm well wishes and blessings for what will be.

All Things New…

Twice now over the past two weeks, Isaiah 43:18-19 has crossed my path. Both times I was struck in silence. I was speechless mainly because I felt God’s presence and warmth.

Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

I usually have a tendency when the tide changes to stay busy and to hide away doing things that keep me from really dealing with what’s going on emotionally.  The new thing is that I am not being allowed to do that now. I’m glad for it.

I spent the day yesterday helping my neighbor with building a new door to the fence in the yard. It was very rewarding to get dirty, use power tools and fabricate something useful. I had a great time. My neighborhood is also extremely friendly. For the most part, we all help each other when it’s needed.

God’s got this time… I feel very comforted by him in these moments.