What?

sky
(photo credit: http://www.flickriver.com/photos/tvguy/3949552840/)

Exactly…

What?! I don’t even know. I don’t got time for it either. I am supposed to be sleeping. I have a rather early day tomorrow and I am tired. The past 3-4 weeks have been full of ups and downs, and I think I am ready to get off the ride now. Frankly speaking, I can’t wait for a bit of an escape. One is coming soon. I am visiting the “folks” in a few weeks. A MUCH needed respite. So let’s check in, shall we?

I am riding an emotional roller coaster comprised of so many twists and turns right now. I don’t know if I am coming or going. I got a mani/pedi today… I thought it would be relaxing and provide some semblance of being pampered; however, that didn’t happen. My mind was going a mile a minute of what needed to be done, when it should be completed, and what was supposed to be done after that. Emotionally, my prayer this year is to not get stuck in the minutiae, but here I am….

God, I really, truly, seriously, anxiously need you right now. My heart, my body, my mind, my spirit is kind of in this really weird place that I can’t explain, and I want out. Will you wash over me with your words? Will you allay my angst with your gentle embrace? I just need a hug, Daddy… a hug from you.  The truth is that celebration and sorrow are very cyclical, and sometimes those cycles are very short. There is so much going on right now that I am feeling a little undone.

It’ not necessarily a bad thing. What it does is causes for me to cling to the one I hold dear in my life… God. He comes before all things and in him all things are held together. God allows us to be uncomfortable, to be discontent, and to be bothered. It forces us to submit to Him in a way that our pride will not allow when we are “on cloud nine.” There is nothing wrong. There is nothing amiss. Everything is as it should be.

There are wonderful things happening in my life right now. Prayers have been answered, and time has been redeemed.  What I am feeling right now is that I am in a time of trial, challenge and testing…Lord will you take this cup from me? I really don’t want to be tested this way… Can’t we choose something like explain in 600 words or less the meaning of Philippians 1:6? No? Oh, ok… well Lord Your will be done.

Lord, help me to love more and ponder less when it isn’t necessary. Please open my eyes to see the things that are set before me. Give me the wisdom and discernment that I need to walk along side you and for you daily. Help me to see the people in my life in the way that you see them. Your word says, We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5). God,  I ask that every doubt, uncertain feeling, worry, or anxiety fall into submission to You. You have purposed this time. You have ordained it. I accept what you are doing, and ask for your grace and patience to allow my heart to catch up with my mind. Help me to have grace for myself.  The lofty expectations that I have for my life make it so easy for me to get lost in the maze of requirements, desires, dreams, and failures. Give me rest precious Lord…Give me rest…

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