There’s so much going right now… so much so that I am not quite sure how to filter everything that is coming. That flight or fight response switch seems to be flipped and someone left the room with it on. LOL! I laugh because that is the only thing I can really do. When you can’t control what’s going on around you, then it’s time to get some belly laughs in to lighten the mood and remind you that this life is but a breath. You had better be enjoying it because you don’t get a second chance in the form that we know best. Yes, there’s eternity and the new Earth to look forward to, but life as we know it today will be long gone. Psalm 90:12 says, ” Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” You know what is wise? Endless browsing of Grumpy Cat memes. Tardar Sauce is ridiculous! Just kidding, what would be wise right now is to get my house in order and begin to take some time away from distractions to think.
I’m tired… I am weary…and I am growing a little homesick (for my forever home). It’s times like this when I really pray for the return of our Savior, because I know that it gets so much better. I can’t wait to be in the presence of God on a daily basis. But for now, I need to keep fighting the good fight! There are people who don’t know the goodness of the Lord just yet so I need to stay put so that God can use men to help the world hear about Him.
Anyway, yes, I am in that place. That place where I am fragile and strong all at the same time. The place where I am trusting God the most and the place where ambiguity rushes in so much so that I feel like I am in the dark. I wake up tired, I go to work tired, I go to bed tired, I am resting and I am tired. I am weary, How did I get here? I.don’t.want.to.be.here.in.this.place.and.I.want.out.now!
Most of you who read my blog know what I do for work, and have seen how it can be overwhelming at times. Just last night we had a child come back in to the facility and I literally had to wrestle him to the ground to keep him restrained from endangering himself. I think we sat on the floor with him in my arms for a good 10 minutes before he calmed down enough to go back in with the mental health counselor. He made a few more runs outside of the building (we are located on a major street), and the police department finally was able restrain him to take him somewhere – I don’t know where. My heart breaks for him because he is only 9 years old. He was in our care for a couple of weeks. He had some breakdowns during that time and this child is really troubled. Please keep him in your prayers. Triage, trauma, and putting out fires describes my evenings every week now. Also, I moved into this new position really in preparation for another venture that will require me to move. I was really excited about that. To some degree I still am, but I am developing some anxieties. The more there is silence on the progress of the possibility the more anxious I feel. I am all for going with the flow and being flexible. I try not to think or ponder about it because I know it will bring on anxiety. I just have to trust God and that if/when this happens, timing will be perfect. I am struggling with whether or not I still want to move forward. Oh Lord, you know the answer!
Personally all kinds of things are going on. I feel like I allowed myself to get caught up in the excitement of something new. I don’t know if a critical point has been reach that is too damaged for repair, or if a hiatus is warranted. Time will tell. I know that I know eventually everything will get straightened out.
Family wise – well I just miss them. My dad had surgery recently and he is recuperating. As I age, I am being reminded that my parents are aging too. Their mortality and the reality of my responsibility for them is pretty scary. Thankfully I am going home for a couple of days very soon, and I will get to spend some good times with them.
I think being out of Florida soon will help me get back to the old Dana. The free spirited and loving lady who takes life in stride is still around somewhere, I just know it. Lord, your daughter is in need of your restoration, peace, love, and mercy…Just sayin’!
So, here’s to living, loving, and laughing…