When you look into someone’s eyes that knows your story, a connection begins. An intimacy that will forever change the course of your relationship is produced that is sometimes scary. You and your counterpart become souls mirrors for each other.
The gap that divides strangers closes in and you become vulnerable to one another. You begin to understand who each other is in relation to the world around them and how they perceive themselves in the midst of it.
Additionally you begin to see yourself. Not just in the future, but your preset and past baggage, destruction, ugly, dirt, beauty, and worth. Sometimes this reflection is reaffirming of your relationship, while sometimes it will tear the union apart. You will feel what have never felt before
You see the good, the bad, and the ugly. Each relationship in our lives will reveal different things about us that God either wants to shine our shut down. The best thing to do is to ask for wisdom to make decisions based on what is not only good now, but what will be good in the future.Sometimes that means holding on tightly and other times it means letting go.
Either way, looking at your soul’s reflection will require an action.
Remembering that what you see in another person and how you respond is a reflection of whatever is going on inside of yourself, we have to allow God to keep pruning us. Pruning/Sanctification – i.e. changing us for the better, is very painful. It takes about 21 days for a habit to change, and that’s if you are being diligent with changing the process. When God is molding our character, we go through so many emotions that are confusing. It’s confusing because we are being challenged at our core to be a different version of ourselves that we know is good, but we may not be ready to embrace. Everyone says they want to be a better person, but not everyone wants to do the work that is required to be that better person.
When it comes to relationships, more specifically relationships that are God-centered, we are creating a ministry from the ground up with that person. We are learning how to communicate in each others respective “love language,” and meet them where they are so that they are getting what they need to feel affection and love. As we make our attempts, God will show us who we really are and who we aren’t. This may surprise the most confident person because God may reveal that they aren’t quite the person they believed they were. In order for the relationship to serve God and others, both souls have to be in sync – giving and taking, restoring and encouraging, loving and receiving love. It will break down without this perpetual motion of the heart, soul, and mind.
One thing that I have realized in each of my relationships is that I deeply want to give of myself…every part. And I want, as illogical and unrealistic as it is, want someone who feels and does the same way. See, once a relationship starts for me, I am in it 200%. My soul mirror has revealed that I am a giver and that I need for someone to be accepting of this fact. I know, you are probably asking what is wrong with that, but I believe the problem is that I am a giver to a fault. No matter what, I will give. I will give when the other person has given up. I am also a workaholic so I tend to overextend myself. Put these two traits together and what you have is someone who gives more than is warranted to someone who many not deserve that level of giving yet. I can see how this was my downfall several years ago. Those people had no business developing the level of intimacy that came into the relationship. What has happened as a result? I ended up at the end a shell of a person. I’m tired, burned out, and feeling hopeless. It seems like the more I am overlooked or under-appreciated the more intense the giving becomes in each relationship as if subconsciously I am trying to prove my worth. I know better than that, but this is out of habit. This biggest issue is that this will lead to disappointment every time. No one will ever meet my every need. Only God can. This was something I had to repeat to myself, meditate even, throughout this year.
With the most recent events of the breakup with David, I have been struggling through the same issue. The difference is that the lack of receiving what what I would need in the long term wasn’t because he was unwilling, but because it wasn’t his to give at this time. In our relationship, our interactions reflected a brokenness that couldn’t be overlooked and needed immediate repair by God. These fissures weren’t revealed until the relationship began. It may be hard to believe, but a lot of relationship issues aren’t seen or even understood until you are actually in a relationship. His heart has to be in the hands of the Lord for a while before he can give it away to someone else. This was realized early enough so that we could let go before there was a lot of critical damage to either one of us. One thing remains… it still hurt tremendously…at least for me. It was painful because for once, someone actually took the time to try to do things right. Someone pursued, took the lead, and made the attempt to do things the way God would honor. I wasn’t the one guiding the interaction or the progression…for once I only had to reciprocate (this is what a woman need to be shown in a dating/courting situation – the man has to show he is going to lead). When things began to break down, of course I noticed, but I was hopeful that they would get back on track because of what was shown before. When it didn’t and we had to have some hard discussions about where to go, it was heartbreaking. I felt that I had truly lost something. See, in my past I was ready to move on from the relationships. I was fed up and ready to delete them from my life as if they never existed (MIB anyone?). This situation is harder because, I understand why we needed to part ways – it was imperative, but my heart feels like something is missing. I know that what I am holding on to is the hope of what could have been, not what was actually going on.
The reality is that the soul mirror always reveals truth, and brokenness cannot be rectified with a relationship.
I have peace about our decision to move on, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t pain. The biggest obstacle I am facing right now is the fight the urge and habit to completely disconnect. Normally, my post break-up activities include deleting all pictures, throwing away any memorabilia, and deleting contact information. The reason I would do this is two fold: 1. to eliminate any weirdness for any new person in my life, and 2. to allow myself to heal completely. This is different. David and I started off as friends and everything that brought us together was centered on God, so I don’t know if this is a friendship that should be let go. Either way, I am earnestly seeking the Lord to allow him to minister to my heart about what should or shouldn’t be done. David is really a great man and friend. There is a reason that he was brought to my life, even if it wasn’t to be my mate.
I am thankful for the soul mirror. I am thankful that God showed me that I need to just rest in his arms and allow all of my affirmations regarding my worth come from Him and Him alone. I am learning to do this more. I am learning that it’s good to give, but I have to be discerning when my giving is detrimental, not only to myself, but to the healthy development of a relationship. So my prayer is for God to continue to show me how this is to be done.