I wrote a blog last night in frustration. It was a cry out to the Lord because I felt like I had lost a little bit of hope. I was craving a home, a place to serve in, somewhat to belong, and to move away from this flakiness that seems to characterize my life right now. I was lamenting that I hadn’t planned to do anything and felt like every aspect of my life was like flying by the seat of my pants.
Now I do need to make goals for myself, but I need to be careful not to live for them. Goals are healthy and they keep us sharp, but when we base our life’s success of their attainment then we miss the beauty of God’s design.
Certain things are kept hidden, and for good reason. It is unearthed by the diligent search of God’s will. One of my struggles is that I am a planner. Have a purely spirit led life is not within my comfort zone, but I’m learning how to live it.
Do I still feel God moving me and stripping away some things have been in my grasp too long? Yes. Do I need to worry about growing roots and having a five year success plan for my career and life? Probably not. I do however need some short-term goals that are measurable and attainable, and I need to get on them.
I still believe that there is an exodus from my current wilderness coming soon. I don’t know where my earthly Canaan will be, but I hope it will be another coastline so I can have more morning chats with God wile watching the sun peek over the horizon.
I think the past eight years God has been giving me manna ,then quail, and some water. I’m so thirsty right now for this water! At times I have done the same thing as the Israelites…complain. Now I want to rejoice that it’s time to move. I want transfiguration like Moses, courage like Joshua, obedience like Ruth, and faith like Esther.
Right now I feel like Gideon. I might as well carry an Old Navy fleece vest around. What camp do I need to overhear in order to know that victory is near? How can I do this life without certain things? :: insert tiny violin solo here::
That uncertainty needs to be where my faith kicks in. Knowing the answers sometimes leads to self -righteousness. I need to continue to let God lead, and be obedient when he gives direction. Just go with it, but be wise. Be flexible, but be a good steward. Be joyful, but let the heart mourn when needed.