Light at the End of the Tunnel…

Back in February, I wrote about some of my frustrations with this season of life. I was in a bit of funk because I was feeling majorly rejected.  While I was still trying to keep hope alive in my heart, I will admit that I was feeling very disheartened. You see, I graduated number seven in my high school class. Through college, I was on the Dean’s List each semester and graduated Suma Cum Laude. I went on to have great job experiences while traveling the world.  I earned a Master’s degree in Higher Education. My relationship with God also grew exponentially. It was in 2011 that I told God that I would surrender my will, and follow his. This meant that I would give up my chosen career and go where he placed me to utilize my gifts and talents.

It was in 2011 that I told God that I would surrender my will, and follow his. This meant that I would give up my chosen career and go where he placed me to utilize my gifts and talents. I never thought I would be working in full-time ministry for the next five years. In 2014… God said, “Go home, be near your family.”

That was weird for me because by that time I had been away from them for well over nine years. I was comfortable and had no desire to move back to Georgia.

I obeyed anyway.

The summer of 2014 began a whirlwind of emotions, experiences, miracles and sweet moments that are priceless memories. I am so glad that I obeyed God. I am so glad that I took the chance in the familiar, yet unknown, world that I never thought I wanted.

Many know that I have been looking for work. I wanted God to yet again give me a position that utilized my gifts, abilities and talents that would be fulfilling in more ways than a paycheck. I tried to find position in Higher Education – my chosen field. Yet, doors constantly closed. I couldn’t understand how someone who had accomplished so much couldn’t get an interview. I had hiring managers tell me to my face that though I had an impressive resume, I am not a desirable candidate. Basically, I had too much experience for entry level positions and not enough for  a lot of other fields.  I was in a funk, and I was fighting depression (something I am prone to having). The depression was starting to take over until I really began to realize that there was joy in this.

The joy was that I was given time to experience and be part of the making of someone else’s breakthrough.  My family. Everyone’s transition was interlocking. Had I been working full-time I would not have been part of the work God was doing through me (what I asked him to in so many prayers). God didn’t, doesn’t and never will need me to complete any of His plans; however, he CHOOSES to use me to do his will. He gladly allows me to be involved, though I do not deserve the privilege.

God’s command for this year was to grow. Growth is painful. Groth is uncomfortable. Growth requires getting up after falling down. Grow demands discipline and persistence.

Growth demands grace.

Oh how I wish I were grace-filled every day! It’s a daily struggle, but that’s the point. I am my worst critic, and I am very hard on myself. Lord, please show me how to have grace for myself the way you freely shower on my daily!

So now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. A new season is beginning. My Florida chapter is closing. As of May 17th, I will begin a new position at a new nonprofit in Atlanta. It’s not in ministry, and that’s OK. I believe that my time in ministry was an incubation period and now I am back out in the secular marketplace to be a light to others. God had refined some things in me, yet I am still a work in progress.  I believe this new position will completely utilize everything that I have experienced professionally. God has strategically prepared me for this. He’s done and continues to do a new thing for my life. I really had no clue when this day would come. Now that it’s here,  I’m glad that God orchestrated it in the way he did.

I pray that I learn how to endure the times while I am waiting a little better. I think this time sent me almost over the edge. My ego was severely bruised. But, it has helped me to see that this experience is not about me. It’s about God and his work. My mind needs to say on what he has promised me – eternity, and that is yet to come. The purpose right now is to be the best steward of the time I have been lent and be as flexible as possible.

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